I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize