8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
