I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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