I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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