you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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