My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
