My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
