i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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