Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we made out on top of his cat.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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