we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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