we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
