At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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