Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
