I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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