she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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