I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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