I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
