highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
