Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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