piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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