Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
