what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
