Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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