I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
