Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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