we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
