I can tuck mytits in my pants
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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