i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
