He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
