I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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