His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
