pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
