definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
