I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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