I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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