We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
