Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize