alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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