i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
