Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
