Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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