I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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