I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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