you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
