When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize