According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
