I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
