Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
