Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize