capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
