Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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