Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
