And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
