Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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