SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
