There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize