He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
