White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
