Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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