I wanna bring you to show and tell
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I want to fling myself into the sun
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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