I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
