You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
