her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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