So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
