my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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