My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
