i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
