i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
