So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
