I cockslap morals
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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