Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
