I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
