I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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