he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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