I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
