Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
