so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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