i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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