just tell him i said nine months
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
