I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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