take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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