Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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