Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
