I heard we made out
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
