so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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