I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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