After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
