I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize