pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's like a pop up book from hell.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
