watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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