He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
