So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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