He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
