just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize