This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
