It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize