Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
