i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
