As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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