I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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