TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
