Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
