If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He better not be in your backpack
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
