Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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