I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
