Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
