do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
