I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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