If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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