My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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