the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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