what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
