Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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