it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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