He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
