DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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