Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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